An Unexpected Message

I don't even know what I'm writing about, I just had this random phrase pop into my mind, and I'm off again. So enjoy this little piece of... well, I'm not even sure what it is. But here it is anyway!

 An Unexpected Message

She was bored. Bored of being alone, and disliked, and the odd one out. Bored of being the only kid at school who sat at a separate table in lessons, and of being the last one picked for the netball teams. It was boring. Life was boring. So why bother even trying?

Days slipped away, with no friends and no laughter. She was the weird one, the lonely one, the stupid one. Her grades slid downwards, to the rock bottom where all the good memories ended up. The landfill site. Faith. Huh! What a stupid name for her. A stupid name for a stupid person.

Faith, the girl who had no faith in anyone or anything. 

So she felt more and more like a failure, as she ended up leaving more and more homework to rot away in her rucksack, and got more and more detentions and reprimands for it. Her life was careering down a hill, unable to stop, and unable to carry on. Faith was a stuck person. 

Until one day after school. Faith had been laughed at on the bus coming home, so was feeling grumpy. As she stomped up to her bedroom, her blazer caught on the door frame and pulled her back like a bungee. Now feeling even more like the world was completely against her, Faith threw her bag across the room and slumped onto her bed. Honestly! It was enough to make you cry, and that's exactly what she did. Faith cried and cried and cried until her throat was croaky and her nose was running.Her face was streaky and her forehead was blotched with red. 

It was like a light being switched on. There was an almost audible click, and a puff of glitter, and a small green woman peered up at Faith from the end of her bed. Faith didn't notice her until she reached for the box of tissues on her bedside table, and a small green hand passed one to her. With a gulp, Faith stared at the woman, unable to verbalise her shock. 

"That bad, eh?" asked the woman, wiping Faith's eyes and nose with the tissue, and straightening her tie. "I know what it's like. I understand how awful it is to feel like no-one wants you."
"Who..." began Faith, still gulping, but the green figure finished for her.
"Who am I? I'm your conscience, I suppose. I sit with you, in your head, and I watch you do things, and think things, and feel things. I know exactly why you do things, and I can understand everything you think. But you've completely lost it, now. You've completely lost your common sense. So I've been pushed out of your head by all the negative things you're thinking. They've taken over! Which is why I'm going to help you. But first you need to be cleaned up." 

So the little green lady flicked her wrist, and suddenly the room disappeared. They were stood on something solid, but they were surrounded by white nothingness. The woman flicked her wrist again, and a bath appeared. She sat Faith in it, and two large jugs floated over, filled with a creamy liquid that smelt of cinnamon. Pouring it into the bath, Faith noticed that her clothes had disappeared, but that she wasn't naked. It was bizarre. Working quickly, the lady rubbed the water into Faith's hair, and combed it through with a smooth purple brush. Then she scrubbed Faith's face with a flannel and pulled her out of the bath. It disappeared as soon as her feet touched the ground, and a big blue towel crawled over to them, like a caterpillar on a leaf. It seemed to be alive, and it jumped on top of Faith, and rubbed her dry. The towel made odd crooning noises as it wriggled over her, and its soft fabric made her skin tingle. 

Finally, an oak wardrobe floated towards them, carried by two white wings. It sat down and opened its doors obligingly, showing a vast array of different clothes.
"What do you want to wear?" asked the woman, pulling out dresses and tops and trousers on ivory hangars. Faith climbed inside he wardrobe, and looked around. There was everything from the most lavish ball gown to the simplest pair of jeans. She fumbled around, searching for something she liked. After a few minutes she had made a pile of possible outfits. Finally, she settled on a stripy jumper with long sleeves and a denim skirt with leggings. She pulled them on, and they shrank to fit her slim figure. Finally, the woman walked over to her and braided her hair neatly on one side, and pulled a mirror from her green pocket so Faith could marvel at her calm and collected image.

"There! You're ready," she said, picking a loose thread from her shoulder.
"Ready for what?" asked Faith. She felt very serene now, far from that girl in hysterics she had been just half an hour ago.
"To revisit your past," replied the woman, "and to realise that life isn't so bad." Taking Faith by the hand, the small green lady took her to a large door in the white space, and pulled her into a dark room. It wasn't pitch black; it was more like looking into the sky on a clear night. Faith even fancied she saw a few stars winking back at her from the floor. 

"Now, we must look at all the happy memories, and forget the bad ones. I've seen them all, Faith, and I know as well as you do that you used to feel happy and loved." said the woman gently. Thin screens appeared from the ceiling, depicting good moments in Faiths life.
The time she got a medal in a gym contest, the first day she met Maddie, her best friend, when she went to the beach and made a beautiful sandcastle... They were all here, and more. Some she had forgotten, others she could remember as clearly as if they were a film played in a cinema. 
"Remember, Faith, that these are what you should focus on. Focus on the happy times, and the things that you do well, rather than these memories."

A cloud of hot steam floated down from the ceiling, covering Faith in condensation. She felt warm, but a little cold too, as the steam cooled into water. The screens were playing bad things now; those arguments she had had with Maddie, the reason she no longer liked her; those rounders games when she had tripped up and fallen top of Miss Anderson; that time when Georgia made up those lies about her, so Faith had torn up her French assignment. They were awful, and there were dozens more besides them. But Faith recognised each and every one of them. She had dwelled on them so long they were like a tattoo in her mind. 

"Faith," said the woman, smiling sadly up at her, "I am Hope. There cannot be any Faith without Hope, and no Hope without Faith. You have lost hope because of all these bad memories that you stew over. So push them away, push them out, and made room for me in your head again. Then we can have Hope for the future, and Faith in the present." 

So Faith did think. She thought about all those good things. All those happy moments, pressed into her mind like a flower in a book, stored away for when she needed them. Slowly, very gradually, the moments of displeasure, embarrassment, anger and despair evaporated into the air around them, trapped in that night-sky room forever. 

All of a sudden, Faith was back in her bedroom. Her bag was still collapsed on the floor like a dishrag, and her homework still lay within it. She smiled. She was wearing her uniform, and her face was still dirty with tears, but she smiled all the same. Carefully, Faith put her bag at the end of her bed and pulled out her Geography book. 

Over time, Faith grew happy again. She smiled more, and was liked once more. She apologised to Maddie about the arguments, and soon enough they were like sisters again. Her grades went up, and she got an award for her painting she made in Art. Faith had hope once more. 

And she wasn't going to lose it again.

What Should I Call This Poem?

I had a flash of inspiration for this poem the other day, and I wrote it all in the space of 10 minutes. It is very dark, and I'm not quite sure what part of me wrote this, but I was still very happy with the phrases and imagery that sprang into my head, no matter how morbid they were! I am very pleased with it, but I can't think of a name for it. If you have any suggestions, please comment them below.

I used to love it so much, but now

I can’t remember its name

It used to feel so different but now

Every one is just the same.

I used to think so dreamily but

Now it all fades away.

I used to wish and pray and hope

Departure was not today.

I used to feel  tenderness

Apart from icy cold.

I was once able to feel

I wasn’t only getting old.

I used to think the daylight would

Chase those nightmares back

But now I think that I’m the one

Who needs to hide at the dawn’s crack.

I once could remember the shining sun

The skies and seas of slate

But now in my head all I can hear is

The closing of the gate.

 

I used to hope that bad days

Were just days that were bad

Now I realise that they are

The root of what makes me mad.

I used to think of daylight and smiles

Those were what kept me safe and bright.

Days and nights are now the same

Except one is dark and one is light.

That darkness seeping through my veins

Those circles under my eyes

Aren’t just the things that make me

Want to say my final goodbyes.

Life is good, and life is bad

But for me those mean nothing.

All I think of now is how my

Life could, maybe, have been something.

But hate and violence and sadness

Fill me up more than acts of kind.

So I just sit here in lasting shadows

And I pretend that I don’t mind.